It's a Privledge
I’ve been thinking…Ok, when am I not thinking? I’m a Virgo! And I own it (insert hair flip here). I digress, but as I was saying, I’ve been thinking a lot about life. Where am I going? Is New York still the place for me? Will it ever happen for me as an actor? I don’t necessarily need to be a celebrity, ew. While I don’t enjoy the commercialism behind pretty much everything, I do understand the nature of the beast. OH. MY. GAWD, is it such a sacrifice, the hustle, the constant worrying about whether or not I’m going to make rent? Thankfully, I don’t worry about that as much, God bless my education. Even then, I worry that it may not be enough to provide with the way the world is going these days, especially with A.I. on the rise. What happens if educators become replaced? The wars going on, that I feel helpless to do something about. I may not always enjoy conflict, but I’d rather squash my beef with someone than harbor anger inside. Banks charge fees for pretty much everything, and who pays the burden? Small business, who inevitably shifts the burden to the consumer…
Just so much has been weighing heavily on me, to say the least. I ended one semester with relatively no downtime to start another one next week. I went away for a few days to give myself a break only to come back to a plethora of e-mails and people panicking because I wasn’t around as if the world was in shambles. I teach, I write, I produce, I conduct research, I act, I run my own business, and yes all of which I chose for myself but also, to some extent I think this life chose me. I had a moment tonight while I was walking home when it hit me, I ought to be better about shifting my thinking. It’s OK to take a pause, it’s OK to go slower and it’s OK to do what I need to do to take care of me. It’s necessary to keep going and just when I thought I wasn’t sure if I could, I thought to myself, “I did not come this far to come this far…I can feel something even greater on the horizon, but I must keep going, if only one day at a time, or even hour by hour. All I have to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other.” What if I try to look for the blessings amidst my burdens?
It’s coming up on my anniversary of becoming Dr. Ceballos, what?! I’m still not used to calling myself that. It’s also coming up on my New York anniversary, I will have been here for 6 years, that’s wild! Despite all that I have been through I am almost certain that there will be other obstacles for me to overcome in the future; and I GET TO experience it all. It’s a privilege to be alive and I’m HERE for it!
