Eb & Flow
Every entry lately seemingly starts with my inevitable, “I must blog more often” or something along those lines. Old me would probably apologize but to who? Where did that cognitive distortion come from that I somehow put that kind of pressure on myself? Instead, we’ll just take it as a sign that the therapy is working, and maybe I’m growing up. Maybe not, but I am growing nonetheless.
This summer has certainly been an eye-opening one and perhaps my lack of absence on my blog was me doing “research” and filling myself with rich material for this very moment. So much has happened, I started the summer in Miami, went to Prague, Buffalo/Niagra Falls, and even had the opportunity to travel back home to San Antonio to promote my film, and back to Miami! While I’m not a native of that city, it’s always been my home away from home. I feel like I was raised in that city during my college years.
As I reflect on what this summer has meant to me and where I’m at in life so far, what I’m learning is that you can feel when change is upon you, or at least I can. The funny business about growth is that it also leads me back home, back to who I am and all the experiences along the way, except with a stronger foundation. The moments that didn’t make sense then, that I now see so clearly. Or how if things are truly meant to be, they return. Certain things in my life have still yet to be determined, and why the wait is longer for some things versus others? We have such a short amount of time on this planet, as much as I’d love to find a remedy ASAP, or just get to where I’m going. I have to remember that everything always works out in God’s/the Universe’s divine timing.
Except that, I’m just not getting any younger! If I wasn’t already picky enough as a Virgo about who I surround myself with, it’s gotten worse! But I’m OK with it and certainly OK with being alone too. I just have to be better about recognizing when to Eb and when to let it flow. But hooray for living, hooray for being able to experience this, all of this! The pain that leads us to a deeper appreciation for life, to be present and just enjoy it. I feel incredibly blessed to be here. Look ma! I’m resilient and I keep love in my heart no matter how hard it gets, just like you taught me. I have never been one to harbor ill will toward anyone, not even my enemies. Besides are they really “enemies” if you learn something from them? I could never hate the people who made me stronger or gave me some of the fun or the most profound moments of my life, which always led me to the next.
As I turn the page on chapter 38 soon, I am feeling incredibly blessed and loved, so loved by God/the universe, and I GET TO share it with my beautiful band of weirdos near and some far away.
