The Greys
I got to thinking about life today as I often do. Where I’ve been, where I want to go, the mistakes I’ve made, and the things I did out of survival mode or trauma response. And I thought to myself, while I am not my past nor am I the things that have happened to me, I can choose to show up better for life and the world because I care too much about how I impact the world. It’s also not about living for others or what they think of me, I could care less, but more about if I’m not operating from love then I’m not aligned with who I am, because I am love. That being said, I love the sound of my footsteps walking away from situations that take me out of my true nature. I don’t have it in me to hate at all either, nor do I stay mad. I genuinely wish the best for everyone, even “enemies” because I want them to find happiness, they deserve it just as much as I do. As the old saying goes, hurt people, hurt people and why wouldn’t I want someone to seek their healing or win at life? Love is bigger than that. Besides, we’re all going through it to some extent or another and I know I’ve done my fair share of hurting people that I didn’t mean to hurt out of my selfish pain. I’m grateful for God’s/The Universe’s grace, or the folks that forgave me for being toxic. If I’m truly counting my blessings, I’m so grateful for therapy.
In the end, none of it matters. If I erased every mistake I’ve made I’d erase a lot of the moments that lead me to where and who I am today. Hear me out, but the way I see it, the more healing we obtain the better we can operate from an authentic and fulfilling place. Or at least this is my hypothesis that I’m still testing out in this independent study of one in life. I don’t understand why society says we have to be this or that, or why it has to be black or white. What is wrong with grey? I’m not great at living in the greys of life but I do appreciate them, and dare I say it, I am growing fond of the grey. It means that the best is still yet to come and I can yell “plot twist” and re-write my story at any given moment. In the words of the great Jon Bon Jovi, “It’s MY life, it’s now or never. I ain’t gonna live forever, I just want to live while I’m alive.” Mostly, I hope we all get to where we’re going, I love that journey for us.
