Your Thoughts are Lying to You
Is it just me or has anyone else been feeling like they’re overcome with fear and anxiety lately? Maybe it is because Mercury always seems to forever be in retrograde. Or is it the shift in season? Who knows. Although, I do have to say Autumn in New York has to be my favorite.
I find that I’m missing the early days of the pandemic. I had time to think and care for myself without judgment, which I still can but as I’ve returned to work be it a hybrid work model I miss the days of being able to do nothing or work from home with the ability to pause.
In spite of what’s happening around me, I pride myself on looking out for others. It turns out, I need to be better about boundaries and making sure I’m not abandoning me before responding to a text or deciding to go out because I’m bored. Just when I thought I was better about saying “no” I got pulled back into saying yes. Perhaps the term “mob” could also be used to describe the circus that is life at the moment.
Recently, I found myself entertaining the worst possible scenarios. Why? I couldn’t tell you. As I continue to still heal and work on my issues that stem from the loss of a parent, I’ve spent a good amount of my life in flight or fight mode. Not my norm, I always try to see the positive/”silver lining” in every situation, especially after having COVID. I’m grateful to still be alive. I’m grateful that because I am a professor I was able to get vaccinated relatively early on. Yet there’s still that part of me that says, “You’re not doing enough Sarah, why aren’t you tenure track yet?” “How are you still single, shouldn’t you be a mom by now?” “What are you still doing in New York, if the acting thing hasn’t happened yet, it may never happen.” The worst possible thoughts, I know! Maybe it’s my overly Virgo nature or analytical mind that constantly criticizes who knows but these are not good nor healthy! Further, just because I have thoughts that run through my mind, it does not mean I have to entertain them all the time, it also does not make them true.
Dear friends, we MUST be better about what we’re thinking and speaking to ourselves (self-included!). While I’m always grateful for life, we do live in a microwave society where we can have our meals heated up in 3 minutes, answers at our fingertips thanks to the Internet. We seem to want everything now or never. Living in New York being on the constant go can also be exhausting. It is OUR life therefore, we can go at our own pace! It’s OKAY to take breaks and do whatever it is we need to do to self-care. And can we please stop comparing ourselves to someone’s curated version of their lives on social media?
Whatever narrative you’re speaking to yourself, if it’s not helping you then change your tune. You are all you have! In the words of Mama RuPaul, “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen in here?” She’s right, admit it!
Let’s remember to love ourselves first and as much as love as we give everyone else!
