Better Days
As 2021 winds down, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. Mostly, about where I’ve been and where I’m going but more importantly the type of person I’ve yet to become. I see myself as this highly motivated individual that always seeks to look for the best in others, as well as advocating for silver linings in the middle of the storm. Am I always good at it? Absolutely not, I’m human & I’m learning to love myself anyway during the not-so-great moments.
It is interesting to me that in all of my studies, we’re only just now starting to talk about the importance of self-love, self-caring, and even self-soothing when we’re upset. Why is it that at one point we were taught to “Never let them see you cry”, or “Toughen up” or “Buckle up and keep going”. That is by far the worst advice I have ever received in my entire years on this planet. Why is it that we look toward “society” for answers? How well has that served us? How well is “society” serving itself? It really irks me, when all along we need to stress the importance of love, teach the idea that it’s ok to not be ok. It’s OK to disagree at times. It’s OK to make mistakes, that is the purpose of life, to learn! We don’t have to have it all figured out, we’re not supposed to! It’s ok to not understand in the unknown, and believe me when I say that I’m guilty of overthinking. The only difference is that I’m learning to be better or more gentle towards myself when I am being overly self-critical. Yes, I can blame it on the fact that I am a Virgo or that I’ve spent 27 years (since I lost my dad) living in a fight or flight response mode, but what purpose does that serve? None.
We NEED to be better about not staying focused on what’s past. Or what’s not working out or what we don’t have. Why? Because, staying focused on that sadness, or in my case my loss, really only held me back. Folks, life is going by WAY too fast these days, maybe it always has but I feel like recently it’s been even faster as we try to navigate ourselves out of this pandemic. To be honest, I miss the early quarantine days and I blogged about it in entries past where someday we would miss the “slowness” of it all. We had time to think, we had time to self-care, we had time to focus on what it is we truly desire to accomplish in this world. Perhaps it is something as simple as, we need to be more diligent about carving out time to reflect in theory.
What’s not serving you? Is it a person, or perhaps several people? Is it a mindset? Is a job or even a career choice that’s holding you back? Or is it just the fact that you’re getting in your own way (and yes I’m guilty of this too)? Whether you believe in God/a god/the divine or believe in nothing at all, to some extent there is evil and cruelty in this world or even haters in this world that would love nothing more than to see us fail. And while, whatever is meant to be will be, but it can’t come to pass if we stay caught up in our depression or in our sadness, or in whatever didn’t work out. Believe me, when I say that I’m not trying to minimize or anything of the like, I would never do that but what I am trying to do is keep you encouraged and motivated. Sometimes I wonder if I had made peace with dad’s death sooner would I have gotten to New York or chased my childhood dream earlier in life? If I had let go of a toxic relationship sooner and had the courage and valued myself enough to do that in my 20s where would I be? Thinking about that doesn’t serve me. I am where I’m meant to be on this day and moment in time. On that note, while we’re trying to shift ourselves…how are our relationships? Are they healthy? Are they safe, do they celebrate us and support us or our goals? Friends, life is TOO short to not be anything but happy! I cannot stand idly by or in this case, not blog to not help you! I don’t know any different than to not help or encourage. Sometimes I wish I did lol. But then if I allowed myself to shrink back or not be brave or not be vulnerable I would also not be living in my truth. Being an empath and having a heart just as big as the home state of Texas itself can be a curse, but now I think to myself, no that’s my superpower! That is the very same thing that makes me, ME (And I love me)! Do you know how long it’s taken me to say that and feel good about it versus feeling selfish?
What if we could all be better about celebrating ourselves? What if we embraced all of our “faults”? I’m really not a big fan of that word since it conveys that there is something wrong when there is absolutely nothing wrong! We’re all just doing the best we can. I do believe, however, in loving when it’s hard, and more importantly, loving ourselves through our mistakes and shortcomings. Conversely, if we weren’t making mistakes and failing gloriously, then are we really living? I don’t regret my depression or the darker moments in my life, but they did give me a great foundation for building myself back better. They have taught me to enjoy the now and to appreciate life and everyone in it. If someone would have told me that everything I could ever want I would have, even if it’s not entirely how I pictured it, I’d probably laugh. Even if they would have said, you’re gonna go through hell and back to get there, but the trick is you’ll come out stronger, and braver than before I probably still wouldn’t believe. In hindsight, it has ALL been worth it!
And since November is a month of giving thanks, I’m humbled and honored that God/the universe or this force that’s out there that’s bigger than all of us loves me (and you) so much than to leave us the same! How amazing is that, that our best days are still to come! This is NOT where the story ends but perhaps just a small chapter in what is the rest of our lives! GET EXCITED! We have no control over what will happen in life, but we can control our response to it. It used to be that I’d succumb to anger or frustration when I was younger. In fact, that was the default response & I’m sure it is for many of us. I’ve learned to sit with it, channel it out and then come back and ask, “What is this trying to teach me?”
If you can’t change your situation, you can change the way you think and feel about it. I get it, you might say, “This is all great Sarah but you can’t possibly understand what I’m going through,” and you know what you’re right. But I can tell you that recently I was tested in a way that I never had been before where I didn’t know if I was going to make it through a certain situation. I had a lot of naysayers, I had a lot of people that criticized me, and of course, had their opinions. I honestly didn’t know how I was going to feel better. I woke up for days on end constantly checking in with my mental health. I spent numerous sessions with my therapist to sort it all out. I lost friends that couldn’t understand my nature or what I was going through. I don’t blame them nor do I hold any animosity towards them, it would be wasted energy. In fact, I would still welcome them in with open arms. What I’m saying is, I get the struggle. There were moments that I had to take each day moment by moment, minute by minute sometimes. It felt like I was crawling, maybe even drowning through life with no chance of coming up for air. What changed? I couldn’t tell you, I did have a moment of surrender. I relied heavily on my faith and the few folks that do love me unconditionally to see me through it all. And yes, therapy, lots of it (and I know therapy isn’t for everyone). Eventually, my load became lighter and now I’m back to a clearer, more aligned, and happier version of me.
What am I getting at? I knew that I needed to be better at loving myself, even if I didn’t always know-how. And I can’t blame my parents or society. Parents do the best they can, they’re probably also dealing with a lot too. I digress…but I knew that if I quieted my mind and meditated as well as prayed that I could stay focused on other things. I also had to trust that something better was being built. There is a better version of YOU being built now! I know it sounds silly and perhaps a bit cliche, but there is a reason for every season. Try to see the good in whatever it is you’re going through.
I’m not sure who this is for, but my dear friend if this applies to you, please stay the course! No matter how hard it gets (and it surely will, perhaps even harder. You may say to yourself how the F*ck can I possibly go on?), you MUST keep going. It’s the only way out! Even if you’re crawling or like me recently taking it moment by moment you’ll get there! Your future self is waiting for you! Your dreams are waiting for you! I promise that everything you could ever want is on the other side of this. I also need to remind myself of this too. More than anything you MUST stay in love, love with life, in love with yourself! Yes, it is the harder choice and it is easier to abandon ship and run away from the pain, run away from the difficulty or run away from confronting yourself. But why not upgrade? Why not choose differently? I also had to make this decision too. I realized, that my old programming isn’t serving me, and it’s ok. I realized that I had to be gentle and calm my inner child that is still learning to be better. I also learned recently that I’m not alone in this. Some of the greatest folks I admire also have their own struggles which are comforting & I’m learning to be a better friend too. We’re all just sort of making educated guesses throughout life. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we don’t. I’ve learned that I grow a lot more when I fail and that it’s actually an opportunity to learn!
My hope is that you find what you’re looking for! I hope you get to that thing, person, place, or thing you want! I hope that happiness finds you (and it is a daily choice), I hope that you love yourself enough to not be held back by your own thinking. Just because we have a certain thought, it also does not make it true. Consider this: maybe the “storm” is the very same thing that is getting you to your destiny? You don’t have to be afraid. You can still feel the fear and do it anyway. And who knows, it may go better than you could ever think or imagine!
Sending you so much love and light! It always gets better, I promise! Maybe not today or tomorrow, but SOON!
In love,
Dr. S.
