Be the Change
I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately. Then again, I’m a Virgo, I’m always thinking. It’s a blessing and a curse really, some of that stemming from survival mode which I’m still working on overcoming as a result of losing my dad (the work never ends! Dios mio but then if I don’t do it I stay stagnant which is the antithesis to growth). Some of my thinking stems from the fact that I like to be prepared for things, it eases my anxiety in a way. Most of the time, I find life to be fascinating, even in the darkest of times such as now. Then there are moments where I am impulsive because it breaks up the routine. So…
I thought to myself, “Self, how can I remain balanced in this sh*t show of a country right now”. I’ll admit that after MLK Jr. Day I felt incredibly distraught, overwhelmed and a great deal of sadness over my country. I was in mourning. I was livid, outraged, and completely emotionally dis regulated. I wanted to problem solve, I wanted to diagnose my own issues. I thought to myself, “Ceballos, you’re in therapy, surely you should know better”. God bless my therapist she constantly reminds me that it’s those cognitive distortions or the “shoulds” of life where I often get myself in a tizzy. I felt helpless and completely out of control over this situation. Then I realized, it means that I care. Perhaps too much, but at least I have a heart, which is more than I can say for this administration. So naturally, the only thing I could do is feel my feelings and then proceed to examine what I’m in control of. That is, my mindset, my emotions, my heart, and how can I cultivate ways to be happy. How can I figure out my way of “fighting the power”?
While I still don’t have all of the answers of how to live in a Fascist regime or dictatorship, I do know they can never take away my education, my passion for learning, the things that bring me joy, and my desire to keep peace and love in my heart. I simply refuse to be angry or attack my fellow neighbor. Maybe this how I will fight the power, and should I find a march or find it in me to organize one myself, so be it. I care too much about this world than to let it go down in flames without a fight. I will also refuse to argue with folks because we need each other to get through this. I don’t have it in me to hate anyone or anything, I never have, and I never will. That’s not how I’m wired.
I’m not even certain of who I’m writing this for, but to that person who may be struggling, please don’t ever stop being your wonderful selves even when this ugly regime tells you that you have no right to exist, because YOU do. You are human, you are beautiful, and most of all you are LOVED. I can promise you that. In a world that tries to tell you who “they” think you “should” be, who you “should” love, or how you “should” identify, the bravest & perhaps boldest act of resistance is to just be you. I wish you nothing but faith, hope and most of all, I pray that you find the courage to be exactly who God/the universe/whatever higher power you believe in created you to be, be that. As a woman I GREATLY admire once said, “Figure out who you are and do it on purpose” - Dolly Parton. Mama Dolly can do no wrong, she is a national treasure. I digress, but as long as we are authentically ourselves, we are in alignment with love. When we’re in alignment with love, God/the universe goes to work and does it’s job and we attract the right opportunities and the right people for ourselves. Life is too damn short, especially now to be anything else but happy. Do more of what makes you happy or fills you with joy.
It starts with us. Change/love starts within, before it extends outward. Be the change.
With love,
Dr. Sarita
PS: Black people, especially my Queens, Black Women, I hope you a great Black History Month! I admire y’all so much, you inspire me and I’m grateful that you’ve paved the way for everyone else’s right to exist in so many ways. Your gifts, your music, your contributions, THANK YOU. Ladies, my beloved ladies - March is our month, let’s make our voices heard! Happy Women’s History Month!
