WIDE OPEN
Here’s the thing, she was a certain age already and all she could think about was him.
Where did they go wrong she often wondered? Was it all her fault or was it his? It didn’t matter, she was tired of keep score. She prayed to God and hoped that he or the universe would fulfill her heart’s desire.
She thought again, maybe they were never supposed to be. Maybe the universe is a cynical thing designed to keep two hearts apart. Perhaps the boy still needed to find himself she thought. So she prayed again for his well being in hopes that in finding himself he would find her, that all roads would lead back to what they once shared.
Sometimes she thinks she made it all up or that he never existed. All that’s left is one picture of how happy they were when they met. He made her feel alive, the most she had ever felt or at least thus far. A love like that is worth holding onto. What do you do when the love of your life doesn’t want to hold onto you she asked herself?
Do you keep fighting or do you deal with the pain of letting go? She couldn’t decide which was better, sure they had fights and it wasn’t always pretty when he was in her life but now that he’s gone she can’t seem to find anything that lights up her the way that he did, not even her passions.
At least her passions hadn’t given up on her, they’re simply waiting for her to come back to herself. Still, she longs for him and a love so pure and deep no matter how much time they had spent apart. One day I’ll be over it she tells herself but that day wouldn’t be today.
So she pressed forward into the unknown with the rest of her life ahead of her, not knowing what the future holds but what she did know is that she was capable of love and she is worthy of love and someday, maybe not today she’ll find it again. Maybe it will be him, maybe it will be someone out of her wildest dreams. She whispered to God and the universe, take it easy on me I’m still mourning & that’s when she realized the whole time the universe was whispering back, don’t close yourself off, or you’ll never find it again, I will shake you up and what you feel like broken is actually breaking you wide open.
She picked herself up, wiped away her tears ready to face another day. With so much uncertainty she managed to say to herself, the best is still yet to come. There are certain loves that come along to teach us, to encourage us and most of all there are certain types of loves to remind us how it pure and true it can be. Maybe that’s all his purpose was, to encourage her that no matter what happens, it’s still out there.
