AWKWARD "TEENAGE YEARS"
I’ve been reflecting on this year and I’ve stated in my previous blogs how I felt like this year is similar to that of an awkward teenage year or years.
Except that I’m not sure what the 30 something equivalent would be called? I am however open to suggestions, so feel free to comment!
I was watching church this morning when Pastor Joel talked about changing your name or at least the names that you answer to which prompted me to think about the book I have been reading by Dr. Joe Dispenza called “Becoming Supernatural” which talks about re-wiring the mind in the right direction. My only regret is that I wish I had discovered this book sooner.
Funny business about the “awkward teenage years” is the toll it can actually have on your mentality. It’s like how do you keep on going when you don’t know if you can? What happens when you run out of gas? In my case, it wasn’t until I went home recently and re-discovered me again; not that I was incredibly lost but in my experience, recalling where you come from and what you’ve been through, able to overcome that can help to get you where you’re going. It’s like stopping for a rest break on a road trip to your destination. Although, on the contrary we can’t live for the “next destination” or that thing we have to have.
I think for me the problem is that I sometimes get focused too much on the road ahead that I lose sight of the now. Although when the “now” or where you’re at in life can also feel like a holding pattern. How do you break it? Change your thoughts, change your actions. Your actions will follow your mind. It’s a struggle I get it, I keep having the same pep-talk with my acting career. I’m also no stranger to the struggle, I’ve been built in it.
Which brings me to Romans 8:18, I was on Pinterest whilst watching church (I know, I know focus on God’s word Ceballos) looking for a spiritual meme to post to the gram when I saw this scripture. “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” so I said Lord, it’s your will not mine and it always has been and I felt a load come off of me. I seem to keep repeating this habit while I try not to. I learned a long time ago that the moment I try to control things is when the Lord or Universe if you will (if you don’t believe like I do, totally fine) steps in and says haha you’re funny, let’s test your theory Ceballos and see how well you do. I’m not as bad as I used to be when I was younger, I had to do things “my way” or no way at all. I’m still stubborn when I want something to come to pass, and I just go for things and I don’t stop. I don’t know that I want it now anymore because if you get ahead of the timing in your life that can also ruin things. Similar to taking the cake out of the oven before its time, it’s just gross.
I really need to be better about that whole extending grace to myself thing. Side note: its good to be writing again. It’s always been my release. I’ve also been thinking a lot about LA recently, that was always my dream too but NYC pulled me in (like the mob) and it won’t let me go. Yet I very much want to call the ATX home, permanently. Some day I will get it “right” location wise. For now, I can’t complain. I can only focus on what I can control and stay motivated and excited about the future & enjoy the now.
The best is yet to come, that being said, I’ve realized I may just be excited more when I’m doing nothing and in my room writing or reading a book than I am when I’m out on the town. That same feeling I would get in as angsty teen just waiting to spread my wings and fly. Sure NYC drives me crazy but right now there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. I may not ever understand why 2019 has happened the way that it’s played out and that is ok! I trust that all will be revealed in God’s time because right now I’m being developed for what’s to come and right now can’t compare with the joy that is coming and that my friends is all I need in this life of sin.
Songs to listen to while reading: “Ohh Child” – The Five Stairsteps
Extra Reading: “10 Ways your Awkward Teenage Years You to Kick Ass in the Real World” https://www.huffpost.com/entry/awkward-teenage-years-success_n_4734007
