IT'S ALWAYS WORTH IT
As I stepped out of the revolving door of work and began my walk towards 40th and 5th Ave, I thought to myself:
“Yup, Manhattan is home.”
Some days I don’t know what to make of this city, and yet I can’t imagine living anywhere else. I’m still getting used to the fact that I no longer own a car, and my primary means of transportation is train or foot. I don’t know what to make of it when for so many it’s the norm.
Ahh yes, life in the city…I couldn’t help but reflect on all that I’ve done and I still haven’t completed two years here. I still have moments where I want to run home because I miss my family and the concept of personal space. Yet, the one thing I absolutely love that I can say the East Coast has on Texas is the fact that I CAN travel by multiple means and see new states in less than 10 hrs. I love you Texas but it shouldn’t have to take 10 hours or more to drive across you. Eeek, why does it feel like I’m throwing shade at my home state? I promise I’m not it’s just nice to be able to hop state lines easily.
I absolutely adore Connecticut, & I’m blessed to have friends there. Speaking of friends, when this place gets overwhelming, I can thank God for the few individuals in my life I can call a “friend”. I don’t get to see them every day or even speak to them on the regular but nothing warms my heart when I see their faces.
I think about where I was this time last year or even almost two summers ago, I didn’t know a single soul, except my high school friend in Brooklyn, which may as well be it’s own entity so the chances of me seeing her were never high but on the contrary how lucky am I to have someone I grew up with not too far away?
The moments of not knowing and doubt, constantly feeling like I had to have every move or rather everything figured out. Looking back I guess God really knew what he was doing. I never get it right and I don’t care to anymore but that’s why I trust him and his timing because God is always right on time.
I know I’ve said this before and I probably will say a few times more because it’s worth reiterating….but if someone would have told me this is what I would be doing with my life, that everything would eventually work out on its own time and that I need not to worry but just live in the moment I wouldn’t have believed them. I am guilty of complaining when I shouldn’t because in reality I do have it better than most and I live in f-cking New York City! One of the greatest cities in the world, I can literally be anything, do anything or have anything at any time of day or night!
I was never supposed to stay here. I was just coming for “Summer at Adler”, but I also knew that if I had left the city when I was “supposed to” at the end of summer 2018 I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. I don’t know what the future holds or how long I’ll be here but I do know that it’s all been WORTH it! Has it been easy? Absolutely not. If I’m being honest it’s been harder than my doc program in many ways and I thought that was hard. Has it been worth it? Thousand times yes!
This year, no more questions, no more what if’s, am I getting it right? Letting go, and letting God, and most of all living!!!
