Definition & Meaning — Sarah Ceballos

SO I’ve been guilty of my thoughts not going in the right direction, I am after all human. When I was younger, I always saw that as some sort of downfall. I’d often wish I was a superhero so that I’d always be “perfect” and somehow exempt from suffering. I now realize that being human is actually our greatest strength.

That being said, I still seem to think that I can do things entirely on my own. I’m stubborn, and yet God has a way of humbling me in a way that lets me know I still need him. Or conversely, whatever you believe in, somehow the universe always has a way of getting us right where we need to be or to who we need to become.

This week I learned a few things: It’s ok to ask for help. Again I have a real problem asking for it, but I’m getting better! I was scared that I’d never find another rad therapist because it took me so long to find the right one, but a las, I found one! Can I tell you how refreshing it was to be back in the groove of processing my thoughts in a healthy way? I’m usually pretty disciplined at exercising, journaling, and decent-ish with my diet (which I again need to re-adjust), so where was I going wrong? Perhaps my lack of sleep, or my over-commitment to things that were leading me on the brink of burning out and having a panic attack. Thankfully, I didn’t let myself get that far. How refreshing it was to hear my new therapist say, “it sounds like you’re a good level-headed person, you just have a lot going on…you’re not alone in this.” What immediately followed after was PEACE. The peace that I had been praying to God for, and might I add balance.

The second thing I learned this week after just watching Pastor Steven (2020) online was that “everything is meaningless until we give it meaning.” Friends at that moment it was as if the light bulb turned on. I’m sure many of us know this, however, if you’re like me sometimes, when we have stressed on things we relatively have very little control over, our thoughts have a way of spiraling out of control so we have to dig deep and work on reeling them back in. He later continued to say that where we go wrong is that, “we often think we have to assign something meaning to be able to understand.” BOOM! I mean it’s normal, we’re human, it’s our natural tendency to want to navigate the “unknown” by assigning things meaning.

For instance, we often think things that are simply just not true. Especially, if we let others’ opinions dictate our lives. I have gotten better about this and normally I could care less what someone thinks of me. I know I’m not perfect & when I’m stressed I come off the wrong way. This is why I deal with my struggles either with faith, exercise, therapy, (mind, body, soul) and make sure I accurately sleep. So this past week, when someone chose to project perhaps the way they see themselves onto me, I immediately thought, am I really these things? The answer is no. What are you giving meaning to? What are definitions are you applying? What are you saying to yourself? The worst thing you can do is, be against yourself. I too am working on weeding out negative self-talk. I’m not perfect but I’m grateful I’m not where I used to be.

Speaking of definitions, I thought a lot about the word “failure” this week, and while I normally see mistakes or failures as learning opportunities, I couldn’t help but feel like I had failed at life recently. I’m mid 30’s, single, unwed, no house and because I live in New York, no car either. All of the key “things” I should have by now right? That’s when it occurred to me in therapy this week that I was giving my life meaning by outside possession when I could care less about what I do or don’t have. Do I treat myself from time to time? Yes. It’s ok. Do I need to be better about not doing it in moments of stress? YES. Lol. But I’m aware! And again, I know myself and I know I’m better than my current circumstances.

The last thing I learned this week as it comes to a close, “You are not limited by your circumstances” (Furtick, 2020). Thank God! Can we just have a moment to cheer for this? Go ahead, skip, jump, laugh, run around or scream and release yourself from what you may be feeling, no one is watching! Hooray for 2020 not being our final destination! The BEST is still yet to come!

Life only ends in two ways, when we leave this earth OR when we decide to give up. It’s only over if we quit. I know it’s hard but this is exactly we have to keep pressing forward if we expect to make it to the other side of things. As I look back on my life, I have grown the most during times of doubt & uncertainty. I especially have grown through the darkest moments when I thought about calling it quits and ending it or just not wanting to live. I’m grateful for love, I’m grateful for his love that comes through precious individuals, be it family or friends or even just random strangers that extend grace and kindness to me. It takes a village and we all have our part to play.

What can I leave you within these incredibly challenging times we’re living in?

1. Find one thing to be grateful for in every day, even it’s just that you had your coffee OR in my case, I had the best Friday because the trains showed up right as I did to the platform lol. If you live in NYC you know how much of a blessing this is. Or just yesterday a stranger held the door open for me, I was overwhelmed. 2. It’s in the little things that let me know God is real, God is love & that the universe intends for good, even great things to happen.

3. Rejection is usually re-direction towards something greater.

4. Just because we don’t hear from God or the universe isn’t displaying signs of wonder ALL the time doesn’t mean that things aren’t still coming together for our good.

5. If you were like me this week, we are NOT our thoughts.

6. It’s only over if we quit, so 2020 & this too shall pass if we keep going

7. Things only have importance if we give them our attention

8. “When love is your lens, you’ll see God in everything” (Furtick, 2020)

9. You are loved more than you will ever know, BELIEVE this.

10. You are more than enough & everything will all work out for our good, the way that it’s supposed to.

My last and final thought, what are we giving meaning to? Sometimes we all need a moment to just stop and check in with where we’re at. Ground ourselves in truth, whether that’s through some sort of spiritual connection to the divine or meditation. In these trying times, let’s be grateful for what we DO have, which is actually more than enough. I’m grateful for a roof over my head, food in my stomach, my bills are paid (thank God), I have a job! While there are things that aren’t ideal, it is only a matter of time before it ALL improves. Let’s keep the faith and most of all keep love in our hearts!