Dear Younger Me
It’s not your fault. You were doing the best that you could with the circumstances of life that were dealt to you. You are precious, you were and are perfect just the way God made you. You are light, you are love and you are life itself regardless of your mistakes. Your soul is what makes you the beautiful human that you are. The way that you love, the way you constantly think of others, and how to make the world a better place. I look at you and think wow.
You got me through so many dark moments. I’m sorry I didn’t always believe in you or in us and that there were times when you wanted to end it all because the weight of your burdens were so heavy to carry. But babe, those burdens were never yours to carry and you took on so much, more than any child should at nine years old. How brave you were then, my god. How did you do that? What child does that?
You were battling silent demons you knew nothing about because you grew up in a world that didn’t make it safe to be unique or to talk about your problems. It’s OK, it wasn’t your fault. You grew up at a time when not many kids your age could relate to the loss of a parent. I’m so glad you got me into theatre and stayed curious about life despite all that. Precious girl I look back on you and how you just dove right into the fire so fearless and uninhibited to be yourself. Like how? The way you just went for things and did not think twice. You’ve taught me that it’s okay to be a little lady who knows what she wants and is unafraid to go and get it.
You will be betrayed by folks who will swear up and down they’re your friends, they’re not. Pray for them anyway, and thank them for the lessons. It’s the right thing to do. They’re just putting you directly onto the path meant for you. There will be things you have to go through and you might find yourself wondering how will you ever make it through. You just gotta take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Trust God/the universe and keep your child-like faith that no matter what, everything you want, and deserve that is for your highest good is already yours! Stop stressing! You do better when you follow your heart. Please never lose your loud laugh, sometimes when you laugh you’ll think of your dad because he had a loud laugh that could fill the room. Instead of being sad that he’s not with you physically, instead be reminded that in those moments he’s with you!
It’s not your fault that others couldn’t see the light in you in spite of your flaws. You were a child, of course, you weren’t supposed to know everything how could you? Life does not come up with a roadmap or a blueprint of how to deal with things. I commend you for finding the strength to own up to your mistakes and your willingness to make things right in time. The way you just always worked on yourself and never settled, not once. We are older now, and still sometimes afraid but I still got you because you’ve always had me.
Please don’t ever underestimate your worth or the ripple effect you can create just by the power you hold and the beauty of who you truly are inside. Don’t you dare dull your shine or minimize yourself to please others. God gave you a voice for a reason, stay loud & proud of who you are! It’s ok that you don’t look like other Latinas, that doesn’t make you any less of one. Have faith in yourself that you’ll get to where you need to be. Be proud of your scars for they have made you who you are!
Your greatest strength is your authenticity & honesty because you my dear girl are not fake! I love your heart, so pure and golden, you really gotta guard it as your life depends on it, because it will. Remember everything serves a purpose under heaven and if it doesn’t make sense now trust that it will in time. I love you so much my little Sarita, you feisty, fierce, bold, sweet thing you are!