Turning the Page

There’s a peaceful and serene feeling that comes with a new year. It’s that sense of hope and possibility, and that somehow we can begin again. As I thought about all the things I endeavor to accomplish this year, beginning with continued work on my mental and emotional health, I asked myself, why is it that we only allow ourselves this permission at the start of the new year?

In the couple of days leading up to the new year, I forgave myself for my short comings in 2024. For one, there isn’t much I can do about my height heels aside, but also, acknowledging that this past year showed me areas I still need to work on. I am human, I have made mistakes and done things I am not proud of for sure. I will perhaps continue to make mistakes which is part of the learning process, however, I am also working to not fault myself for making them. I can celebrate the fact that I can admit when I’m wrong, sincerely apologize, and do the work to change my behavior, which is a “win” in my book.

This past year, I was brought to my knees and yet also living my best actor/filmmaker life at the same time. While life will always have a sense of duality, I don’t think I had ever been tested this much. Not even when Dad passed away, although I feel as though I’m constantly always recovering and learning how to live with my grief. It’s not easy and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Although, in a way I’m 100% grateful to God, the universe, powers that be that showed me to really love myself this past year and how to build a home within without being dependent on others mentally and emotionally. Though I wish it didn’t come at the expense of having to walk away from relationships, sometimes it is truly for the best. Besides, I could never hate or be at odds with said folks that I love, even if that love now means that I’m loving from afar.

While the future still remains unclear and it always will be, this past year taught me to navigate the storms of life with a care and love for myself I perhaps never had or learned during my youth. I can honestly say that I love me so much that I meticulously reflect on how I show up for myself and also for others. It used to be that I spent my mental energy on how to do it, one of the many joys of being a Virgo (yay) but now it’s second nature. Perhaps this is also one of the gifts about getting older.

So here we are, 39 & 1/2 almost, getting closer to 40 and surprisingly, I not in a panic or crisis mode that I thought would come at this stage in life. I am however, more intentional about how I spend my time, who I spend it with, how I can create more joy and more importantly, how do I still create a sense of adventure whether I’m traveling or trying different things that will challenge me and force me out of my comfort zone.

Thank goodness for the gift of life and as Robert Frost once said, “it goes on”. 365 more chances to try again and fail gloriously! I can’t wait!