Let's Get Loud

It looks like my fingers have finally made their way to the black keys of my laptop. And I’m sad, happy, and excited all at once. How have I been gone for so long? Well, when you get knocked off your rocker or jolted and these days that’s easy to do, shootings every day it seems, politicians too slow to act, and a war going on overseas I have felt helpless. I have questioned my purpose.

Did I get it right moving to New York? Is there a right way to chase one’s dream if it’s your dream? Dear God, I booked a show, only to have the director change their mind to tell me “I wasn’t quite right for the role”. I started questioning my calling. I’m an artist, so I can’t help but feel like it was my talent lacking in some way. BUT then I remembered something, Ceballos you don’t have time for this. You worked your ass off in school, your degrees, to get your ass all the way to New York Fucking City, oh hell no you’re not giving up now! The projects that I am right for will NOT pass me by.

I thank God for bringing me back to me, the setbacks, the heartbreaks, ALL of it I am grateful for. It’s all leading me to who and where I’m supposed to be, it has to. Besides, at the end of the day, the only real person I can depend on & believe in is me. The calling on my life is WAY too big for me to give up and I just can’t. Life is too short to not do the things I truly desire and more importantly, to not leave the world better than when I arrived thirty-six years ago. I used to think that growing older meant doom and gloom or that I don’t know I have to subscribe to AARP, have a kid, buy a house, or something. Maybe not in that order. The truth is, growing older is a privilege that is not always afforded to many, and every day on this earth is precious. How had I forgotten? As if losing dad 28 years ago wasn’t enough of a reminder of this lesson.

Now is the time, even though the world is bad, it’s also not the first time. However, I’m convinced that the only reason it hasn’t imploded is because of the beautiful humans that do make it a joyous place to be in. I see it in the faces of my students when I’m teaching, or mi gente, other people of color, women out there hustling every day doing what they can to get by. They inspire me to keep going, to remember why I began in the first place. In spite of everything, I still believe this world is worth fighting for, the repressed and underrepresented are all worth fighting for.

God gave me a voice for a reason, so I must use it and get loud. I will never play it safe again. I refuse to silence myself or play it small because someone can’t handle me at 100 proof. Am I perfect? Absolutely not, I’m human well aware of where I need to grow; and the areas I’m not aware of that is for God/the universe and life to reveal to me which is my business and no one else’s. I’m Latina, Texas-born and raised, living in New York chasing my dream, which is really about the human condition. I will NEVER stop trying to make this world a better more inclusive and equal, place. This is who I am.

We’ve made progress, yes, but we have work to do! And in the words of a woman, I so greatly admire, Ms. Jennifer Lopez and of course one of the world’s most beautiful women is Latina like me, “Let’s Get Loud…Ain't nobody gotta tell ya what you gotta do. If you wanna live your life, live it all the way and don't you waste it…LET’S GET LOUD!”